Tuesday, July 16, 2013

It's Positively Medieval

Many, many years ago I spent one glorious week in Salzburg, Austria.  I’ll never forget the sheer joy of roaming around the exquisitely charming hometown of Mozart, just as I’ll never forget the guided tour of the Hohensalzburg Fortress that fits on top of it like a snug homburg.  Usually I’m a sucker for castles and fortresses, and this one had a number of beautiful features, but the description of the torture chamber freaked me out and I couldn’t get over it.

I think of this every time I want to buy a toothbrush.  I look at the shelf, neatly stacked with rows of brushes, and recoil.  They look just like the implements of torture I’ve seen in my nightmares, albeit in mockingly cheerful colors, guaranteed to rip my mouth to shreds.  There are spikes – actual spikes! –  on those things, and the bristles are all pointy and malicious-looking.  What dental hygienist from hell thought these would be a good idea?


To add insult to injury, these horrors also carry a hefty price tag.  Not only are you expected to turn over your mouth to the Spanish Inquisition, you are required to fork over a big wad of cash for the privilege.  All I want is a soft, pleasantly colored brush with even, white bristles – the sort that caresses and treats your mouth like the living thing it is.  But these are getting ever harder to find.  Instead we’re treated to wares from the Torquemada School of Design.  So what I want to know is, is this a dental fad and if so, when will it pass?